


Selfish Hearts

by mybrainproblems



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Soul Mates AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1863648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mybrainproblems/pseuds/mybrainproblems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where soul mates exist, 2% of the population doesn't have a reciprocal soul mate. Many of these "Loners" will do whatever they need to keep their soul mate by their side. Ymir knows that she and Historia are destined to be together even though their fates don't quite intertwine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfish Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Finally got to write some yummy curry. Dammit I love these two losers way too much. I need to write more shit with them.
> 
> This probably isn't edited enough... (-_-;)

They had met when they both started at Recon Corporation at the same time. Fresh out of college and with no job prospects, Historia took a position as a secretary. Sick of working as a pizza delivery girl, Ymir started training as a Searcher.

It was a Searcher’s job to track down and find the soul mates of their clients. It used to be that people would wait to find their soul mate, but once technology really started taking off people began to actively seek out their soul mates. Sometimes it was as easy as going to the Registry and putting the name into a search engine. But when it wasn’t, that’s when people purchased the services of companies like Recon Corp. Ymir’s job was to take that name and to search through every database and cross-reference every name and address and phone number.

With only a name, a birthdate and birth place to go off of things could get very tricky. Especially when people would bring them names like John Wilson or Sarah Cooper who were born in major cities; it was a good day when a Searcher got assigned a Moon Unit Zappa. Sometimes the first phone call from a Searcher would find the soul mate of their client, other times they might be making multiple calls per day for months. Regardless of how long it took to find your soul mate – be seven days or seven months – clients owed the company $8,000 up front which covered a month of services and for every month after that, the client owed a further $6,000. If you found your soul mate on your own before Recon Corps did, you were refunded half of what you had already paid. Finding your soul mate the old fashioned way may have cost multiple years of hoping and travelling but in the age of technology you could find your soul mate in a few months as long as you had the financial resources.

Unfortunately, a Searcher’s job wasn’t just about looking up names and making phone calls. Sometimes you had to get out into the field and knock on doors and hope that you hadn’t traveled across two time zones to find the wrong person on the other side of the door. The tough cases were when Searchers pulled up to a house with children’s toys all over – that’s when you knew that you were about to shatter someone’s world. They were in the minority, but not everybody cared about finding their soul mate and were willing to settle down with someone else who they had grown to love.

But the truly heartbreaking ones, the ones that Searchers prayed they were never given were those of the 2% of the population where soul mates didn’t match. The Registry might say that Mary’s soul mate is John, but it also says that John’s soul mate is Carrie and Carrie’s is John. After two years on the job, Ymir had only had one case involving a Loner, some of the older veterans had dealt with five or more Loner cases and one man had actually quit after he got to his sixth case.

If ever there was a happy resolution to a case it was when the client was introduced to their soul mate and you could _feel_ their heart rates increase, could _see_ the spark of immediate love.

And that spark, that flutter – Ymir felt that shortly after she met Historia Reiss. On the other hand, Historia Reiss showed no indication that she felt such a thing upon being introduced to Ymir and Ymir came to silently accept that she was a Loner and that the woman who she loved so very deeply belonged to another. And yet, she refused to push Historia away when she suggested lunch together, when they started getting dinner after work together, when they started going out for drinks on Fridays together, and even when they started sharing passionate and yet lazy Sunday afternoons together. The feeling of sparks and fluttering faded over time as Ymir became used to the presence of Historia at her side. And over time they grew together; Ymir was there from the beginning when Historia had suffocating fights with her father, Historia was there for Ymir when she felt the emptiness of not having a family.

Two years later they were moved in together in a cozy apartment with a sunny bedroom and a three-legged gray cat and Ymir couldn’t shake the feeling that she was somehow in the way of Historia’s life, that she was taking something away from her. She wanted to live for herself and that ideal life she saw included Historia. She knew it was selfish but Historia never said anything to indicate that she was unhappy. She shared Ymir’s dream of wanting to be free and wanting to share it with someone but Ymir could never be certain that she was the person who Historia really wanted to be sharing it with or if she was simply the first person who came along to help her to pick herself back up. Even two years on Ymir wasn’t entirely aware of Historia’s family situation. She only knew that her mother was dead and that she had a father (who was apparently an asshole) and a younger sister who travelled a lot. Her family very rarely intruded into their life now and Ymir appreciated that her family had stopped trying to contact her six months after they first met.

It had been a year and a half of contentment when their house of cards imploded.

____

They had a day off and were lounging around when the doorbell rang.

On the other side of the door, Ymir saw a woman whose presence made her feel like she’d suddenly been lifted off the ground, like she was flying and falling into those blue eyes. This was what looking into a soul mate’s eyes felt like – not flutters and sparks but a rollercoaster going through flaming hoops.

The other woman extended a hand.

“Hi, my name is Krista Lenz. I’m Historia’s sister and I can’t thank her enough for finding you for me. She’s the best big sister I could ever ask for!” Her voice was breathless and made of sugar and light and Ymir was drunk on it when she turned to look at Historia who had come to stand at her side.

Historia who was in tears.

Historia who was falling to the floor.

Historia who was screaming and crying.

Historia who was pounding the floor with her fists.

Historia who was breaking down in a way that Ymir had never seen before.

Historia who was the Loner.

 

With the intoxicating presence of her soul mate, Ymir barely had the presence of mind to offer a hand to her lover and that’s all she was; simply a lover, not a soul mate.

After Historia had walked into their bedroom as though she were a zombie and shut the door Krista and Ymir began to talk. It turned out that Krista had taken their mother’s maiden name when she moved out of the house at eighteen rather than keep the name of the man who could barely be called their father. She may have left and changed her name, but she always stayed the dutiful daughter and visited their father frequently, especially after Historia took off right after college. They talked and laughed and Ymir felt that light and joy that came from being in the presence of your soul mate. The kindness that emanated from Krista was warming and soothing and it began to fill the void in Ymir’s chest where the happy memories of family should be.

Krista said that she was staying at a hotel downtown and that she understood that this must be a shock to Historia and that she understood that Ymir would probably feel that tangential connection between Historia and Krista through their blood – that she couldn’t blame her for mistaking butterflies for soaring wings. Ymir and Historia should stay and talk things over and Krista wouldn’t hold anything against her that happened while she was gone. If Historia needed comfort sex then Krista could accept this as her loving sister, she understood that Historia had been there first although why she wouldn’t tell Krista… well, Historia had always been _like that._

 

The woman on the other side of the bedroom door was broken. Ymir looked at Historia and saw a paler version of Krista. Her hair wasn’t as bright, her eyes weren’t as blue, her smile not as wide or weightless. And Historia looked up at her from the bed with eyes that weren’t quite as blue as they should be and haltingly told her story.

When she was eighteen she went to look up her soul mate and saw the name Ymir.

While she was there she snuck a look at her sister’s as well – also Ymir.

She couldn’t bear to look at her younger sister anymore. She couldn’t bear to know that they would be rivals to claim the heart of the same woman. When she started working at Recon Corp she found out that a woman named Ymir worked there and took a chance and went to the Registry to sneak another look at their records.

She looked up who Ymir’s soul mate was and was devastated by the name she saw – Krista Lenz.

Historia knew before she and Ymir met exactly how this would play out if they got together, but the pull of a soul mate is unavoidable and as much as she could mask her emotions on her face, her body and her heart ran riot every time she came near Ymir, near her _soul mate_. The woman who she wanted to spend her life with but who was promised to another.

She said good bye in her own way. She told the story of their relationship and the litany of things that she should have told Ymir that she loved and appreciated in the past two years. That Ymir was there for her through her low points and shared the joy of the high points and made those high points even higher.

She went backwards and talked about the parts of her childhood that she had avoided. What it was like to feel the barren wastelands of depression when your sister was all sunshine and warmth and what it was like to watch your mother die while your sister was at swim lessons.

Historia poured her heart out, knowing that it was the end and knowing that whatever hurt she unloaded onto Ymir now would be brushed off by her shining sister. It was selfish, but when wasn’t she selfish?

Ymir made Historia promise not to do anything stupid when she went to meet with Krista the next morning. Given that Historia may as well have been a corpse on their bed and given that she had dealt with Historia in these sorts of moods before Ymir knew that she would be okay for a few hours. She tried to pretend that she didn’t hear the pained whimper as she walked out the bedroom door.

 

In the lobby of the hotel, Krista had already ordered coffee for them. They avoided the past and talked about the future. Somewhere between talking about how much Krista wanted to get a puppy and how she was moving to a smaller apartment that was closer to the elder care center she volunteered at Ymir realized something.

She liked that she and Historia had adopted a three-legged cat of unknown age.

She liked their cozy apartment, but she wanted to move somewhere bigger.

She liked that she had all of her time when she wasn’t at work to herself.

Krista was selfless and kind, Ymir was selfish and sarcastic.

Historia was selfish and apathetic because she _knew_ from the start that this was probably temporary. She didn’t want to actively change things when they could easily change to be not in her favor.

She had made a life with Historia and no, it wasn’t all fireworks and electric touches. What Ymir and Historia had was beautiful because they both _fought_ for it. Ymir fought to keep Historia at her side and Historia fought to keep Ymir at hers. Never mind fate or chance or luck, they had made their own luck and their own fate.

Krista may not have been Ymir’s soul mate, but Historia was Ymir’s partner and nothing was going to change that.

Ymir didn’t utter a word as she stood up and walked away. She didn’t utter a word when walked out the hotel lobby’s doors. She didn’t utter a word until she entered that sunny apartment with the three-legged cat; the place where she had made her life next to the heart of another woman.

Historia was still in bed when Ymir came in and silently slipped in beside her.

“Why are you here, Ymir? You should be with Krista.”

“I could go to my soul mate who happened to knock at the door or I could stay with the woman who I fought for so hard to keep in my life.”

“Krista is good and selfless and she cares about other people. I’m none of that. I’m selfish. I tried to keep you from your soul mate.”

“I’m selfish too and I don’t want someone trying to change me. I want someone who likes me for me.”

“But she’s your –”

“I don’t care about what she is, I care about _who_ she _isn’t_.”

“What?”

“She isn’t Historia Reiss and that’s the woman who I fell in love with, soul mate be damned.”

“Don’t leave me, Ymir.”

“Don’t you dare leave me either, Historia Reiss.”

 


End file.
